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The Wall Las Memorias Project
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Latino Men's Group
About the Latino Men's Group
- Richard L. Zaldivar
- Richard Zaldivar is the founder and executive director of The Wall Las Memorias Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting wellness and preventing illness among Latino populations affected by HIV/AIDS by using the inspiration of the AIDS Monument as a catalyst for social change. Combining HIV/AIDS education and prevention, sensitivity to the spiritual needs and religious beliefs of it clients and supporters, and a commitment to social justice, The Wall Las Memorias under Zaldivar’s leadership has been in the forefront of the fight against HIVAIDS in Los Angeles and beyond. As executive director, he oversees programs that reach out to Latino populations in the Los Angeles area, including men who are gay, bisexual and MSM, communities of faith and the general public. The Wall Las Memorias Project is noted for several highly visible endeavors, including construction of the nation’s first publicly funded AIDS monument in the U.S.
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When I was about 8 years old I was sitting on my porch with my sister while some neighborhood boys and my brother were playing football. My sister and I were sewing clothes for Barbie and Ken out of old socks. I played football too, but I happened to be sewing a much needed shirt for Ken at the time. All the while, unbeknownst to me, my father was watching me. He came up behind me and kicked me really hard on the side of head and started to shout at me and then ordered me to play football. I was so confused at the time. I had no idea what I'd done wrong--but the lesson was very clear that day even though it was delievered through a kick and incomphrehensible rants--"Be ashamed of some of the things you want to do--hide parts of yourself and be ashamed for wanting those things." And it worked. My father got his point across--but, worry not, it worked out for me in the end because I never had to explain why Ken always had to walk around shirtless.
Like I said last night, I can't remeber the last time I felt shamed, I mean really shamed like by some sort of an authority figure. But I know that me and my friends are always shaming each other for what we do, who we do it with, and where we do it. But I know that we are not really shaming each other to try to get us to change. I know we do it just to poke fun of each other. Could it be that we have evolved SHAME just to make it work for us? Or could it be that SHAME Just does not have power it once did? I know when we were younger we used to yell "Shame Shame"... But now all we say is "I can't belive you you whore... I love it!!" So a quick little thought to end this blog... Don't let anyone shame you for anything you do, be proud and everything will turn out great!
Shame:
"Is what you feel, when you know that what you doing is wrong."
Pride:
"Know that you have no more shame.."
Hey Guys,
Shame. Even the word itself sounds feo. I can remember this one time as a child when I was made to feel so ashamed for being who I was. I was about 7 years old. I had gone shopping for something at this second hand shop with my parents. I don't remember what they were looking for but I knew they were on a mission. As I looked around I spotted this cool oversized stuffed animal an elephant to be exact. It was so big I couldn't even carry it really. It was made up of left over fabric. I thought it was so great! I grabbed it as best as I could and went over to my mother and asked her if I could have it. Before my mom could even answer my father looked at me with an angry face and said that he was not going to buy that for me, that I needed to go and find a ball to play with like boys are suppose to. He said that I was not a girl and that I shouldn't be playing with stuffed animals.
I was so sad. I felt so bad for wanting something so cute and fluffy. I felt like I had let my father down. I began to cry. My mom got so mad at my dad that she bought that toy for me immediately. I remember her telling him that what he was saying was wrong and that he was not going to talk to her childern in that way. They got into a fight over this. I felt like I was the one who caused this to happen. I remember my sister look at me with disappointment. I guess she thought i was the one responsible for my parents arrgument/fight too. I have never been able to forget this moment in my life. My father's anger. My mother sticking up for me. My sisters looking at me like I was wrong....wrong for wanting to hug and cuddle with my new found friend. Wrong for wanting to be me....
'till next time...
The Men's Group meeting featured a tremendous discussion about a difficult topic. For me it was illuminating just to hear other people's views. For example, one fellow in the front corner said he proudly never carries around condoms because he doesn't want to engage in certain behavior.Yet another fellow across the room says he proudly always carries a condom just to be safe and prepared in general.I give people like these folks a lot of credit for taking a position and letting everybody know. I give them my respect and gratitude because they are making me think and face my own issues. Yes; I plan to return.
Honestly I don't feel shame that much in my life. But right now I am feeling shame. The reason I am feeling shame is because of the response one person can have for another person's entry.
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't this blog location supposed to be to share our opinions but also bring us together outside of the Wall venue? How can we come together if even in here, we judge what others say and basically treat them as if they are making up a story to try to get attention on themselves, or just basically calling them out as a liar.
I honestly in my life have not ever felt shame while hanging out with my straight friends or even straight individuals. Strangely enough, and sadly true..almost a high percentage (90 - 98%) percent of the times that I have felt shame or left out because of some material reason, it has been through the one community that I would feel would embrace me the most...my gay brothers!
It seems with my gay brothers, you have to either wear a certain clothing brand, look a certain way, smell a certain way, speak a certain way (Girl this and bitch that) and hang out in a certain local. And if you in any way waiver, then you are made to feel as though you are selling out your gay community and are meant to feel shame.
I just don't understand how the same people who are always on the television or on the covers of magazines and newspapers can yell and scream about wanting equality, when within our own society and or community...we quarantine those who have different views and or likes than what "gay" men should have.
I honestly feel that before we can, with a serious look on our faces talk about how society is fucked up because they don't learn to accept and take the time to learn and not be ignorant about us and what makes us gay, we need to stop being hypocrites in front of authority figures and really work on accepting unconditionally everyone for who they are entirely.
The reason I say we need to stop being hypocrites in front of authorities is because I have bore witness how in front of authority figures people can be..."Oh I love adn accept everyone, " but yet the moment they walk away it's more "Girl, look at that tired bitch! Hanging out with the straights...trying to be straight herself!"
I don't know, I just think it's fucked up that we want all these things and changes from others and yet WE are not really willing to start the cycle of change and acceptance within our communities first! That is shame for me!
I am sorry..I got so into what I was writing about shame and how we need to work on OUR community first, that I forgot to say who this is...This is ENOCH
Dude.. (Enoch), calm down, this is not being gay or not, is just about saying the truth, I can tell you by this other guy lines, he's lying to his teeth, he just wants compassion, and someone saying ohh poor baby, c'mon get real, this is a dog's world, you want something fight for it, but don't cause anyone to feel "Lastima" for you, that's a real shame, hypocrites, that's what we are when we don't accept and fight like a man or a woman in any case, see if we start crying and making up stories so people feel compeled toward us, then YOU are still in a worst closet, get real, move out and move on, stop blaming someone else for what you can do right.
!Si! Nuestra platica de la otra noche fue para mi muy buena, muy interesante. Acerca del tema de la verguenza, yo creo que hay que hacer estas reflexiones sobre el camino recorrido y el futuro que viene. Es una lucha bastante desigual, en cierta manera, porque una parte mayor de nuestra gente tiene algunos problemas de auto-estima. Hay otros que dan la impresion de que estan guardando mucho rencor. Poreso es necesario estar fortalecidos con orgullo para poder sobrevivir las experiencias dificiles que nos esperen. Yo creo que estamos frente a un problema que no es facil combatirlo; hay una subcultura de desorden y poca responsabilidad. Hay algunos elementos de nuestra cultura que hay que aguantar, aunque nos cueste. Pero tiene que ser una lucha armoniosa. Debemos (en mi opinion)fortalecernos con una meta de vernos talvez no completamente libre de sentirnos con verguenza, sino por lo menos disminuirla. Yo creo que este es el desafio que tenemos. Gracias. Agradecere cualquier comentario suyo.
Hi everybody and gee, isn't this blogging thing fun? I have a hunch that the folks who post here are a mixture of people who attended the Mens Group meeting along with some who did not. With that in mind, I'd just like to relate what was for me the pivotal point of the discussion on shame. Those of you who were there may remember that we were discussing the presence of God or some other higher power in our lives, and looking at when we might have felt such a presence. Then, the discussion went to identifying the most raunchy sexual experience we ever had. Many of the folks were gasping, yes gasping, at the thought of conjuring up such memories, and then possibly even sharing them with the group. And as it turned out, few people spoke up to offer a recollection. (But remember how whats-his-name mentioned doing that thing..eeww). Anyway, the point that was brought home for me is that I truly feel that, in all my life experiences, I'll probably get nailed by God on Judgment Day for something sexual that I did. Maybe that's a bit silly, but that's how I feel...I "probably" have done some things in bed that I could get nailed for, when Judgment comes around. So, what to do about that? Well, I'll try and do better in the future, I guess. Try and clean up my record as best as I can. I figure I should have time enough to set things on a better course. I hope I do, anyway. I wonder if anybody else is on the same page as I am. (If you are, I pity you. Ha ha) Anyway, thanks for reading this. Stay cool!
I for one am glad that we have this space for ALL of us to share our feelings, insights, ramblings, etc. There's no shame in expressing our feelings and sharing our past experiences, however painful and/or embarassing, since this can help us to grow and be stronger today. I don't think the focus should be on whether someone is telling the truth or not; for myself I don't worry about such things because I wasn't there anyway and noone is on trial here. I simply try to take whatever message I can take from each entry, and in the case of those I feel are negative, I just don't take anything from them and move on. Trying to call people out is immature and counter-productive. For whatever reason people share something on this blog or in the meetings, they are reaching out for some degree of validation. Even if the person were to be lying, I try to understand what they are looking for- perhaps acceptace, love, or a sense of belonging to a community? Who knows... I certainly can't speak for others but I feel it is more harmful to the energy and vibe of this blog and to the latino men's group in general for people to sit around and judge others. Why do we need to try to shame each other here when we do that enough to ourselves personally and we have a larger world out there trying to shame us back into the closet and out of sight? The point of this group (to my understanding) is to create a safe space for everyone. There aren't too many places like that in society-at-large for gay latino men, so I'd request some tolerance and respect in the future- since this is after all "our space." Peace.
Hey Man,
To the anonymous who had a comment to my entry. In response to your questions this is my answer, "I don't remember." I don't remember what I was wearing or how my mother was dressed or which store we were in. All I remember I shared and since I don't remember that I did not share it. You know, I really don't have a very good imagination but I do have a great memory which by the looks of it is something you lack 'cause it sounds like to me that you can't believe that I can remember all the details. You are right about one thing and that is that in my entry I did make it about me 'cause that is the whole fuck'in point.To share my pain, happiness, joys and sorrows. Not like you who can only comment (or who knows maybe you did write an entry but there are a few un-named comments this time around). If you fully read the intro to the topic for this week it says "share some examples" and that is exactly what I did. Maybe you should share more about yourself instead of commenting on other peoples comments and coming off like such an ASS-WIPE!!!
And if anyone else has a comment....BRING IT ON!!!
thanks guys...
"till next time...
One last thing....
Big ups to ENOCH. Thank you for your comment on that guy who does not get it. I don't mean to be a prick myself but I felt disrespected and call-out so I had to say something. How is anyone going to try to tell me what I did or did not go through. Was that my alter-ego talking on that last entry? My Macho side? Was I too harsh? Maybe, or then again maybe not.
"til next time.....
Bonjour, latinomensgroup.blogspot.com!
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